-[Clicking] - [ Beeping ]
[Boy] "You are standing in the cavern ofthe evil wizard.
All aroundyou are the carcasses ofslain ice dwarfss. "
Melt- Melt wizard.
"What do you want to melt him with?"
- [ Woman ]Josh! - What do you thi nk I want to melt him with?
- I toldyou to take out the garbage! -J ust a second!
Throw thermal-
- [Man ]Josh! Didn'tyou hear whatyour mothersaid? - One minute!
- [ Rapid Beeping ] - [Mother]Joshua Baskin!
[ Beeping ]
"Yourhesitancyhas costyou dearly.
[ Sighs ] "The wizard, sensing your apprehension...
"unleashes a fatal bolt from the ice scepter.
- [ Spring Boings ] - With luck,you will thawin several millionyears. "
Great.
[Mother] Come on,Josh. It's starting to stink up the place.
Okay, okay, okay.
Take the garbage out. Every day, take the garbage out. There!
The teams are being led into the field, and the crowds are going crazy! Yeah! Yeah!
And wait a minute. It's the Yankees' star pitcher coming out ofthe bullpen.
Look at him! And the crowds are cheering. They're going crazy!
- They're screaming! Is Billy there? Okay. - In the back.
Rick Rhoden is on the mound for the Yankees.
He looks into the catcher's mitt, shakes offthe first signal...
takes the turn.
He wipes the sweat offhis brow, leans back and fires.
Yeah! Good-bye, Mr. Spalding!
Here, here. Wait.
Got it, need it, need it, got it.
- Oh! - Hey, hey, hey!
You ever go by Simpson's desk when she's grading papers or somethin'?
She leaned over, you can see right down her shirt.
- [ Chuckling ] No. - Swear to God.
- Bra? - No, no. She's got one ofthose undershirt things.
So ifyou get real close to the board...
you can see all the way down to her flowers.
Whoa!
Yeah. Give meyour gum.
- Need it, got it, got it, need it. - Hey, hey.
- Give me a dollar! Give me- - Oh, my God. It's Cynthia.
How did a geek like Freddie Benson get a sister like that?
Beats me.
[ Chattering ]
- I mean, imagine having a boyfriend like that. - Hi,Josh.
[ Nervous Chuckle ]
- Hi. - Oh, my God. It's Billy.
- Come on! - Don't start.
He says hi!
- Come on, Miss Cheapo. A quarter! A quarter. - Unbelievable!
God. She likes you. I know she likes you. I'll find out, okay?
>>>> [ Both Singing ]
[ Both Laughing ]
- Don't forget to call me after supper. - Okay.
- Remember about Cynthia. - Don't worry!
I'm as interested as you are.
This isn't fair.
Buddy, we've been talkin'about this formonths.
You knew this was gonna happen when Rachel got older.
- Why can't she stay in your room? - Because.
Bein'part ofa family means sharing responsibilities.
- Great. But do I have to share my room? - [ Babbling ]
I'm a person. I am notyour maid.
Can any ofyou appreciate that?
You waltz in here like it's some kind ofa resort-
Iounging around, waiting foryour dinner to be cooked...
your clothes to be ironed.
What about me, huh? Have you ever once thought about how I feel?
Do you know what it's I i ke to work eight hours and come home to this?
- [ Pounding Table ] - Everysingle day?
None ofyou ever offer to help me!
Why?
I can't do it alone anymore.
-Just can't. - [ Clearing Throat ]
And ifyou tell them anything that goes on in this room...
well, you'll be sorry.
So, will you tell me?
- You're in. - What do you mean, I'm in?
- Cynthia Benson. - What about her?
You ready for this? She doesn't like Barry anymore.
- So? - So what doyou mean, "so"? That's it. She's available.
- Billy, it doesn't mean- - [Mother]Josh.
Hey, it's after midnight.
- Now, saygoodnight to Billy. - Good night, Billy. I gotta go.
Good night, Mrs. Baskin!
- [ Giggling ] - Sweet dreams.
[Whooping, Screaming]
[Man Shouting] All right. Come on.
One dollar. Come on, kid.
Watch this. Needsome help with the hammer?
[Josh ] Okay. I'm ready. Here I go. Here I go.
[ Grunts ] I get one more try. One more try.
Okay, honey. Bi g sm i le. Bi g sm i le.
- Go! Go! Go! - Good. Good.
Oh, "wi m py"! Better I uck next time.
Let me get one more try? Please? Come on! I can't live with "wimpy."
[ Child ] Mommy! Make it stop!
[ Screaming ]
[Father] Yousureyou want to go on this thing, son?
- Yeah. - No, no. I don't know about this one, Bob.
- No, this looks too scary. - It's okay.
- Oh, my God. - See? I told you.
He doesn't want to go on it.
Son, you don't have to go on this thing ifyou don't feel like it.
No, no. It's just that I- I want to go on myself.
- You do? - Yeah.
I think it's something- Yeah, I think it's something I should do.
Great. Why don'twe meetyou at the Ferris wheel?
Halfhour.
- Excuse me. - Hey!
- What areyou doing? Come on, man. - [ Yelps ]
- Watch it. - [ Gasping ]
[ Girl ] Sal threw up on the other ride.
Itwas disgusting.
- [ Clears Throat] -Josh?
- Oh. Hi. - Hi.
Haveyou been on this before?
- This? - Yeah.
- Yes. - Is it scary?
- Yes. - Are you here alone?
Yes.
Look. Aren't those your parents?
- Where? - Right overthere.
Honey! Smile!
Why, yes.
- Hey, who's this? - This is Josh Baskin.
- How you doin'? - This is Derek.
- He drives. -[Ride Operator] Next.
- Go ahead. - Yo, next!
[Whistles ] Whoa! Read this sign.
- "You must be at least this big to ride this ride." - What? Oh.
Hey, I don't make the rules, kid.
- Next! - [People Shouting]
Well, it's a stupid rule.
Look, whydon'tyou trythe Kiddie Whip?
- [Man ] Yeah, it's about time. - You. You.
- See you,Josh. - No problem. Step up.
[Bell Rings ]
- Hey, watch it, kid! - Hey. Come on, you guys. Let's go.
[ Child Crying ]
"Drop 25 cents here."
Come on!
[ Grunting ]
Work! Work!
[ Quiet Growl ]
[ Bell Dings ]
Neat!
[ Bell Dings ]
Make mywish. Right.
I wish I were big.
[ Bell Dings ]
[Shouting, Laughing]
"Yourwish is granted."
[Man ] Somebody's gonna getyou!
Come on. Go! Come on!
[Baby Crying]
[ Whining ]
[ Crying Continues ]
[Screaming]
- [ Door Opens ] - What's the matter?
- [ Screaming, Crying ] - Oh, no. Oh, no, no.
No.
- [ Thunderclap ] - Honey, you'll wake up your brother.
Come on. Come on. You sleep with us.
- [ Thunder Rumbling] - [Door Closes ]
- [ Barking ] - Easy, doggie! Easy! Don't make me do it.
I'm only part-time. Sorry.
Josh!
- Josh! - [Low Voice ] What?
- [Yawning] - It's 7:30. Areyou up?
Come on, sleepyhead! You're gonna miss the bus, and I can't drive you today.
[ Grunts ]
[ T oy Honks, Squeaks ]
[ Water Running]
- [ Door Opens ] - [ Gasps ]
[ Gasps ]
What does he do in his sleep?
- Honey? I put out some clean clothes. - [ Drawer Opens ]
Bring down your dungarees and stuff for the laundry, okay?
- Okay. - You getting a cold,Josh?
[Higher Voice ] No. Fine.
He's got a cold.
Now Rachel's gonna get a cold, I'm gonna get a cold, his father's gonna get a cold.
[ Grunts ]
Oh, my God.
- Breakfast is ready,Josh. - Be right there!
[ Grunting ]
[Thudding]
- [ Grunting ] - [ Material Ripping ]
Josh! Hurryup! Your eggs are getting cold.
[ Giggling ]
Hold this. Hold this. Good. Now, can you keep it a secret?
- [ Babbling ] - Yeah. Keep it a secret.
Bring down Rachel with you, all right?
- [Rachel Coos ] - Okay.
Come on. Come on.
Oh, yeah. Shh, shh, shh. Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet.
[ToySqueaks ]
- You want orange juice or- - [ Giggling ]
What about your breakfast?
>>>> [ Singing ]
>>>> [ Ends ]
- Don't. Please, don't! Don't! Please! - Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry.
- [ Gasps ] No! - It's me.
- It's Josh. Mom! Mom. - Stop it! Oh, God!
- I made a wish last night. - Oh, please, stop!
- I turned into a grown-up. I made this wish on the machine. - Go away!
- It turned me into a grown-up. Last night at the carnival. - No! No!
My birthday's November 3. Mom, I got a "B" on my history test.
Here, take the purse. You can have anything that's in it! Go away!
- M-M-M-My baseball team is called the Dukes! - [ Whimpering ]
Uh, I made this foryou. Who are you calling?
- [ Whimpers ] - I have a birthmark behind my left knee!
- You bastard. What did you do to my son? - I am your son, Mom.
- Where is my child? Where is my son? - Oh, Ma! Ma! Ma!
- Police! - [ Screaming ]
- [ Whistle Blowing ] - Hands up!
- Hands up on defense! - [Ball Bouncing]
[Boy] Come on!All the way. All the way.
- It's all yours! - [ Coach ]All right, stop!
I'm open! Here! I'm open!
- Shoot it! Yeah! - [ Boy Groaning]
[All Shouting]
[ Whistle Blowing]
- [ Coach ] Gentlemen, this period is over. - You stink, Kopecki!
- Get back to the locker rooms and get on to your next class. - Billy, you stink!
Wash shi rts and shorts.
Billy, do us both a favor.
Put the balls in the equipment closet andyou practice your layup.
Horowitz, pick up that shirt or I'll make you eat it. It stinks!
Let's go, gentlemen. Hey, let's go now.
- Bi I ly. - Yeah?
- What? - I t's me.
- I t's J osh. - Coach Barnes!
- No! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! - Coach Barnes!
Billy, shut up! I'm your best friend! Please, you gotta believe me.
- Don't hurt me. - I'll prove it toyou. Billy, please!
- Look, I'm not gonna hurtyou! - [ Screaming ] Help! Help!
Goddamn it, Billy Francis Kopecki!
Look, I know I don't look like myself, okay?
Butsomething reallystrange happened, and I'm reallyscared! I needyour help!
You're my best friend! I can prove it to you.
U m- Oh! >>>> [ Si ngi ng ]
>>>> [ Si nging Along Quietly ]
>>>> [ Both Singing ]
Josh?
You look terrible.
I know.
He had on a blue, uh, sweatshirt with a hood on it...
that said "Giants" across the front.
He-He ran in here. He ran into the kitchen.
He followed me a-around that pillar there...
and when I got into the kitchen, he turned around and he pulled down his pants...
and he exposed his heinie.
- I-I can't. I can't. [ Sobs ] - [ Sighs ]
[Police Radio Chatter]
[Woman ] I was in the house making gravy,, and I heard this commotion.
[Man ] That's right. We're at the scene right now.
We've talked to the mother. She's pretty hysterical.
- She's not making any sense at all. - [ Women Chatteri ng ]
- There's no ransom note, no prints. There's no nothin'. - [ Barki ng ]
I'll tellyou what- file a report, be on the safe side.
- Shut up! - Bet he ran away.
- Wish I could. - Want me to pack your bags?
It's me.
You couldn't wish for a million dollars?
Take that off. Don't worry. I got it all figured out.
Go to the city, lay low for a couple days...
find that Zoltar thing, makeyourwish.
You'll be home byThursday.
It grew all over.
- Hmm. - Why can't I just tell them what happened?
You did, and your mom tried to kill you.
I'm gonna get in one awful lot oftrouble because ofthis.
They'llprobablybe so happyto seeyou, you'llprobablyget a new bike out ofit.
- Come on. Let's get going. - Oh!
Excuse me.
Thanks.
- [ Child Crying] - [ Woman ] She's a problem.
This is the time ofday when she gets cranky and she cries.
She does it every day.
I 'm not supposed to go to New York without my folks.
You'll be all right. Here.
- Where did you get that? - My father's sock drawer.
- You stole it? - It's his emergency fund.
Fine! Fine. Fine. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.
Kill the bitch. Kill herwith a knife. Kill herwith a knife!
Kill the bitch. Kill the bitch. Kill herwith a knife.
Put it in. Bitch! Kill the bitch!
Kill her!
- You lookin'forsome fun tonight, sweet thing? - No, thankyou.
- Hey, man. Spare some change? - No, not really.
Hey, this looks okay.
No, it doesn't.
St.James,Josh. It's religious.
[Woman ]Stayout there all night, all dayandall night again?
- Hi. - Hi.
[ Belches ]
Uh, we would like a hotel room, please.
1 7.50 a night for the room, $1 0 deposit for the sheets.
[ Man ] Mm-hmm.
You go straight to the top ofthe stairs.
The last door on the right, next to the bathroom.
Wait a second. I'll showyou.
- It smells bad. - Shh.
- Have a pleasant stay. - Thanks.
Hey, Angel! Get out ofthat bathroom now!
He's in that bathroom all night.
I don't want to stayhere bymyself.
I can't help it,Josh. I gotta be home by 1 0:00.
Look, I 'l I cut classes tomorrow.
We'll find that Zoltar thing before you know it, okay?
J ust one night. All right?
- All right. - Good.
- What if I can't sleep? - It's probably better ifyou don't.
Seeyou in the morning.
- Well, you know, like, what time? - 8:30.
[MenArguing]
I'd use the chain, ifl wereyou.
[Man ]Allright. Come on out. Open the door.
[Man #2 ] Stayawayfrom here.
[Arguing Continues ]
Ifyou don't have the money, don't show us your face over here!
[ Man Shouting ] Goddamn it!
[Arguing Continues ]
- Get out! - Watch the money! Give me that!
[Arguing Continues ]
- [ Gunshot ] - [ Screaming ]
[ Phone Rings ]
- [ Footsteps ] - [ Phone Rings ]
[ Man Speaking Spanish ]
[ Shouting In Spanish ]
[ Banging ]
[ Shouting Continues ]
[ Shouting Louder]
[ Quiet Cryi ng ]
[ Sirens Wailing ]
[ Sobs ]
Mom. Mom.
You really think we'll find it today?
I t's a big city, J osh. I bet there's a million Zoltar machines.
Well, where should we start first?
I don't know. Oh, let- Let's try the next street.
- I told you, it's not a video game. - Then what is it?
Well, it's not a video game.
This one's got a number on it. Doesyours?
- No. Wait. Here's one. - What are you doing? What are you doing?
- What are you doing? - Do you have Zoltar?
No, I told you, I looked in the back. I've got Powerhouse-
- We really need Zoltar. - I haven't got it.
- What did the guy at the arcade say? - They have to license them.
- And where are we? - Uh, the licensing bureau.
Right. So all we gotta do is get a list ofall the carnivals then track it down.
Will you quityour moping now?
- I'm not mopin'. - [Man] Can Ihelpyou?
- Yes. We wouldlike a list ofall carnivals andfairs. - And arcades.
- Yes. We would like a list ofall carnivals and fairs. - And arcades.
- Yeah. - Carnivals and fairs.
- Try Consumer Affairs down the hall, room 1 1 1. - Thankyou.
Fill this out in triplicate. Five dollar filing charge.
- See? - One month to process. You get it in six weeks.
- Six weeks? - Sometimes longer, butyou could get lucky.
Next, please!
Fill this out in triplicate.
I'm gonna be 30 years old for the rest of my life.
Would you come on? We'll figure something out.
By the way, you may be older than that. [ Laughing ]
So now what?
- I'll come and seeyou every day after school. - How?
I'll tell them I made the basketball team.
- I won't have nothin' to do. - You can get a job.
- Can't get a job. - Why? Can't be any different than school.
- What areyou good at? - I don't know. Making spitballs?
- How 'bout a deliveryman? - I don't knowhow to drive.
Yeah, right.
Cardiological technician. Civil engineer.
- You're not gonna eatyour cherry? - Go ahead.
- Clerical transcriber. - Billy.
- Yeah. - [ Gurgling]
- Gross. God, that's gross! - Check, please.
- Go to the next column. - Collection agent. Company clerk.
- Computer operator. Construction engineer. - Computer operator?
- What? - Computer operator. Read that one.
-Josh, will you quit with your stupid computers! -Just read it.
- [ Sighs ] "MacMillan Toys." Toys! - Toys!
[ Both ] Whee-whee-whee-whee,Jags.
"Seeking experienced computer operators for all levels of system management.
"Candidates must perform data updates, malfunction isolation...
- monitoring of cluster performance." - "Performance." I can do that.
- You can? - Sure.
- Hey, great. They use H.P. 3000s. - You understand all that?
Well, it's- It's an old system, but, you know-
- Where do we go? - Um, "Apply in person, MacMillan Toys."
- All right. Let's go. - [ Clears Throat ] Miss? Miss?
Miss?
You look good.
- MacMillan Toys! - There it is!
- [Phone Rings ] - MacMillan Toys. May I helpyou?
- I'll connectyou. - Are these the applications?
- Yes.Just have a seat. I'll call your name. - [Billy] What's next?
- There. - Previous employment.
- Your paper route. - I don't think I can put that.
- Neighborhood circulation director? - Yeah!
[Receptionist] Yes. Holdonjust a moment, please.
[Billy] What's he got?
Hey, don't worry about it.
Um, social security number?
32-1 7-25.
- What is that? - It's my locker combination.
- Great. - Mr. Baskin?
- Y-Yes. Yes.
The personnel director will see you now.
Uh,yourson can wait out here.
- [ Wheezing Laugh ] - [ Chuckles ]
Yeah, okay. Son, you should sit down.
- And don't give the lady any trouble now. - Sure, Dad.
- [ElevatorBell Dings ] - This way.
Don't forget- look him in the eye!
[ Clicking Pen ]
[ Spits ]
There's a couple of numbers missing on your social security.
Oh. Oh, 1 2.
01 2.
- It says here you've got fouryears' experience. - Yes.
- All on computers. - Yes.
Where did you go to school?
It was- It was called George Washington.
Oh, G.W. My brother-in-law got his doctorate there.
- Did you pledge? - Yes, every morning.
[DoorOpens ]
It happened again. David, the girl is absolutely useless.
You have got to give me someone who knows what she is doing. Excuse me.
I'm not getting any of my mail. Nothing has been filed.
Ever since she got engaged, my life has been a disaster.
Well, you know, she came so highly recommended.
She spent the last three months writing down her married name. Mrs.Judy Hicks.
Mrs. Donald Hicks. Mrs.Judy Mitchellson Hicks.
Sometimes with a hyphen, sometimes without a hyphen.
- Sometimes she spells the hyphen. - [ Snorts ]
- Well, I really don't know where I can put her. - Put her on unemployment.
- [DoorSlams ] - [ Sighs ]
- When can you start? - Soon.
[ Bell Dings ]
[Woman ] MacMillan Toys. I'll transfer.
- Brent. - Susan.
- Where's Mildred? - She's out sick.
- Again. - [Phone Rings ]
- [ Woman ]And it's easyto clean. - [ Women Laughing]
That's very important, thatyou're easyto clean.
[ Woman #2 ] Open that one.
[ All Oohing ]
What's so- What's the joke?
- Is it a small? - Oh, Miss Lawrence. [ Chuckling ]
See, when she opens her shower presents...
everything she says she'll say on herwedding night, only she doesn't know it.
- So, when we read the list to her- - Who's answering my phone?
- Oh, it's pink. - [ Laughing ]
Oh. I'll get it.
Oh, I needed towels. Thankyou very much.
[ Chortling ]
- [Tapping Keys ] - [ Woman ] Paul Davenport's office.
- Can I helpyou? - Susan Lawrence. Is he in?
- Of course. - Thankyou.
- Susan. - Paul.
If I don't have a man tonight, I'm absolutely going-
- [ Woman #2 ] Mr. MacMillan's on line two. - Yeah, I'll hold.
[Woman #3] An automaticswitch-on-
[Chattering, Laughing Continue ]
[ Man ] These are the preliminary voice runs on Princess Gwendolyn.
All comments should be directed to JackTaylor no later than Thursday.
[ Girl's Voice ] One day, I'll find my prince.
[Man ] Alternate version number one:
[ Girl's Voice ] One day, my prince will come.
[Man ] Alternate version numbertwo:
[ Girl's Voice ] I want you to steal all the money from Mummy's purse...
and buyall myaccessories.
The moreyou buyme, the more I'll loveyou.
- [ Man ] J ust kidding, Susan. - [ Mocking ]
- [Handset Settles In Cradle ] - [ Chattering Continues ]
[ Girl's Voice ] Tra-la. Tra-la.
- [ Bell Dings ] - [ Chattering]
[ Bell Dings ]
I thought we'd start you off on last week's preschool orders.
It should take a few days. Giveyou a chance to find yourway around.
- Do you smoke? - Well,just that once, but-
Only on breaks, and in the coffee room.
Most ofthat's pretty straightforward stuff.
You have any questions, come to me. Good luck.
Bye.
The Dinky Link.
Seven.
-Jimmy's Toy Box. - Psst.
Screwy Hermie.
- Psst! - [ ComputerBeeping]
Hey. Psst. Hey. I'm Scott Brennen.
Uh, I-I'm Josh Baskin.
Listen, what areyou trying to do, get us all fired?
- Huh? - Gotta slow down. Paceyourself.
- Slowly. Slowly. Slow. - Sorry.
- Today's my first day. - I know.
- So, how long have you worked here? - Five years.
Work stinks, but the fringe benefits are great.
See that girl over there in the red?
Sayhi to her, andshe'syours.
She'll wrap her legs around you so tight, you'll be begging for mercy.
Well, I'll stay away from her then.
- [Phone Ringing] - Excuse me.
Yeah. Brennen. I gave it toyou yesterday.
Oh, here it is.
I don't have time to xerox it. Let the new guy do it.
Yeah. It-
[Man ] We still- We haven't shipped it outyet.
You gotta be quiet. People are tryin' to work here.
- [ Child ] Hey, wait! - They can't think.
We're gonna go in the other room and see some toys. Come on.
- Come on, you guys. Stay together. - [ Children Chattering ]
[ Exhales ]
[Woman ] Come on, guys.
Trouble.
We're pregnant?
Huggy Bear took a nosedive.
That's not possible.
Look at these figures, Paul. Third-quarter profits off 40%.
Pre-orders down 55.
I'm not talking about one toy. I'm talking about the whole goddamn line:
HuggyBearMama, HuggyBearPapa.
Goddamn Baby's off 60%.
[ Exhales ] You must feel awful.
- I must feel awful? - You must.
Paul, uh-
Paul, I- I think we must feel awful.
Well, yeah. I feel bad too.
This whole line was your idea.
I think that ifyou just march right in and talkwith MacMillan-
It's not myfault.
Honey, arewe trying to fix this thing or arewe tryin' to place blame?
Ifit'll makeyou feel better, I'll go in there with you whileyou talkto him.
Thankyou.
- [Phone Rings] - Yeah.
I taught him everything he knows.
Mm-hmm. Right up.
[Man ] Hi, this is Matthew with MacMillan Toys.
- Yeah, well, I live right over by the river. - [Beeping]
[Man ]And Ijust need to confirm your address.
You ever seen Brooklyn by dawn?
Hey, hey. Does it sound like I'm beggin'? I am.
[Phone Rings ]
Hello?
[Josh ] Uh-
- Hello? - Hello.
- Mrs. Baskin? - Yes?
- How areyou? - Who is this?
I just wanted you to know that, uh...
Josh is all right, and he's okay and everything.
You have my boy?
Yeah, and y-you're gonna get him back just the way he was.
Look, I swear to God, ifyou do anything to him...
ifyou touch one hair on his head...
I will spend the rest of my life making sureyou suffer.
Wow. Thanks.
- Let me talk toJosh. - Oh, he can't come to the phone right now.
Why not? Why not? What did you do to him?
I didn't do anything to him. I think he's a terrific kid.
I want proofthat he's all right.
Uh, all right.
Um, a-ask me something th-that-that only hewould know.
Then I'll ask him foryou, and thatwayyou'll know that he's okay.
Ask him what I used to sing to him when hewas a little boy.
- Isn't there something else thatyou'd rather ask him? - Ask him.
I got it. I got it.
>>>> [ Singing ]
- >>>> [ Continues ] - Oh!
[ Crying Continues ]
Look, you're gonna see him again really soon.
I promise. I cross my heart and hope to-
Uh, we'll talk about this later.
- That's total bullshit, Paul! - But, sir, the favorability rating-
Let's not lie to ourselves. Ifa kid likes a toy, it sells. That's all.
But every bit of research and focus testing shows-
It worked in research. It worked in the testing. It just didn't workwith the kids.
- Oh, sorry. - Why don'tyou watch where the hell you're going!
- Areyou okay? - I am fine.
You could kill somebody running around here like that!
Paul, a boss should get knocked on his ass once in a while.
- It's goodforhim. - I don't know, sir. Youshouldsee a doctor.
For crying out loud, Paul, I'm fine! I'm fine!
- Sorry, sir. Sorry. - Where were you going anyway, son?
U m, I was, uh-
I was goi ng to the Xerox room 'cause they needed these by 5:00.
Oh! That's good. Nothing wrong with a little hustle.
Nothing at all.
Right, Paul?
It's good to see a little hustle for a change.
[ Grunts ] What did he mean?
I hustle. Uh, sir? Sir!
[Phone Rings ]
[ Gunfire ]
[ People Screaming ]
[ Baby Crying ]
[Screaming Continues ]
- [ Gunfire Continues ] - Get down! Get down! Get out ofthe area!
- [ Gunshot ] - [ Woman Screaming]
- [ Gunshot ] - [ Man ] He's got my money. Get 'im!
[ Siren Wailing ]
- Ferris! - Thank you.
Brennen!
Baskin!
- What is this? - Payday.
- [ Man ] Hey, Walt. Where's mine? - $1 87?
- Yep. - Oh! Oh!
They really screw you, don't they?
- "Sign below." Hi. - Hi.
Okay. So how would you like that?
[Man ] Could I haveyour driver's license, please?
[ Sighs ]
- Okay. - All right.
Three dimes, a hundred dollar bill and 87 ones.
- One- - One, two-
- three, four, five, six- - three, four, five, six-
- seven, eight, nine, 1 0! - seven, eight, nine-
Look at it. Look at it. It's beautiful.
Look at this. You know what we're gonna do with this?
- What? - Spend it!
>>>> [Singing]
- >>>> [ Continues ] - I'm never eating again.
It wasn't that bad.
It was the boat ride that did it.
No. It was the pork rinds.
Pork rinds! [ Gagging ]
[ Sneezes ]
- We sure had fun, didn't we? - Yeah. Yeah, we sure did.
[ Sneezes ]
- Booger! Booger! - [ Yells ]
- [BabyCrying] - [Man ] Get that babyto shut up. Come on.
[Woman ] I could use some help with the baby.
Oh, please. I'm- I give you all the help I can. I- You drive me nuts.
[ Woman #2 ] You are never here.
[ Man #2 ] I'm just goin ' out for a little while. I'll be back when I want to, okay?
- [Arguing, Crying Continue ] - [ Dialing ]
- [ Mrs. Baski n ] Hel lo? - Hel lo.
- U h, is this the Baski n residence? - Yes.
- Hi. - Who's this?
We're conducting a, uh-
a consumer s-survey and we were wondering...
what kind of medicine... you would give toyour family.
- Forwhat? - For a stomachache.
Pepto-Bismol.
- How-How often doyou give that? - Every four hours.
- [ Rachel Crying ] - I gotta go.
- Every four hours. - [ Line Disconnects ]
Okay.
Thankyou.
Josh!Josh!
- Doggie! - No-No. Get away from that dog.
- Come on. Get away from that dog. - Doggie. I wanna pet him!
- Doggie! - We'll go inside and buyyou a nice gum ball.
[Boy] Okay.
- [Man Shouting] - [Woman ] How didyou get it to stop?
>>>> [Music Box]
>>>> [ Chorus Singing]
Right. Okay. Second door. Right there.
- [ Shouting ] - Okay. This one is goin' way out. See ifyou can get this one.
- [ Shouting ] - Okay. Another big one.
Hey, no fair! Hey.
[ Laughing ]
Yee-haw!
Oh, my God. Just keep away from the strange man.
[ Grunting ]
- Gotcha. - What's your name?
-Jordan. What's yours? - My name's Josh.
- I'm gonna blow you away,Josh. - I just gotyou!
- No way! You're closer. Get back here! - I gotyou!
You biggawk.
>>>> [Woman Singing]
- [ Gun Beeping] - [ Grunts ]
- You work for me, don't you? - Yes.
I thought so. What, are you here with your kids?
No.
- I got the last! - Did not.
- I was just looking around. - Oh.
Me too. I come here every Saturday.
You can't see this on a marketing report.
What's a marketing report?
[Boy] Come on! It's myturn!
Exactly. Come on.
[ Bell Dinging ]
What do you think ofthat?
- The Championship Hockey? - Yeah.
- Oh, I love it. Only that- - Onlywhat?
- Well, the pieces don't move. - What doyou mean?
Well, on the old set, you could slide the men up and down the ice.
Now all they do is spin around.
It's more like real hockey the old way. Why'd they change it?
I don't know.
See, the Starfsighters are good becauseyou can change all the pieces.
But I never liked the Galacticons.
You only get one robot, and they don't come with a vehicle.
- I see. - Plus, you can't take 'em underwater. Ifyou do-
>>>> [Piano Notes ]
Neat.
[ Chuckling]
>>>> [ Glissando ]
Okay, uh, let's check out the-
- Piano lessons? - Three years.
Me too. Every day after school.
>>>> [ Piano ]
Hey, hey!
>>>> [ Singing ]
>>>> [ Humming Along ]
>>>> [ Hums ] "Chopsticks."
>>>> [ Continues ]
[ Chuckling ]
- [ Laughing, Cheering ] - [ Laughing ]
- What department did you sayyou were in? - I'm in Computers.
- Computers? [ Laughing ] - Yeah. Yeah.
You just saved me a trip to the gym, son.
According to the studies, this thing should go straight through the roof.
- Hey! Hey! Watch it, fella. - Sorry. Sorry.
[Susan ] Vice president in charge ofproduct development.
Vice president? He's only been here a week!
And he came from Data Processing.
He's out of his mind. The old man has finally lost it.
- Did you know he gave him Bob's old office? - Bob's-
Bob's office is bigger than my office!
There's gotta be a reason. Things like this don't happen unless there's a reason.
That means ifthe president dies, you get to take over?
- No. They got a hundred of'em. Are we ready? - Yes, Mr. Baskin.
Come on in.
Look at this place. It's bigger than the principal's office!
- How would you know? - Remember that explosion in science?
- Oh, yeah. - Truckapillar!
59.95.
- You know that only costs 1 0 bucks to make? - Get outta here!
[ Toy Squeaking ]
- What is this? - Oh. Theyjust put this in here. It doesn't mean anything.
So, what do they makeyou do for all this?
Well, I playwith all ofthis stuff, and then I go in and tell 'em what I think.
- That's it? - Yeah.
- And they payyou for that? - Yeah.
Suckers!
Thankyou, Miss Patterson.
Hey, Miss Patterson, could you call Media and have them send up...
the video ofthe Giants-Broncos Super Bowl and have them edit out the commercials and stuff?
- Yes, Mr. Baskin. - Thanks.
- Miss Patterson. - You're the luckiest guy I know.
[ Squeaking ]
Boom!
- Great. - Mr. Davenport.
Try taking some ofthe padding out.
- Projected sales are gonna go through the roof. - Those test scores-
- Whoa! - Oh-You know, this is an office, not a playground.
Kill somebody-
- Did you check Mattel? - Nothing.
[TV: Announcer] Time now to check the day's business news.
- Coleco? - Zero.
He can't come from nowhere, Susan. He has to come from somewhere.
- How 'bout Hasbro? - Yes. And Fisher-Price and Worlds ofWonder.
- I have called everywhere. Nobody's everheard ofhim. - This is just terrific!
- It's not myfault. - Shh!
- [ Announcer ] Today's arrests bring the current total to 1 8- - I know him.
Those underindictment include five senior vice presidents-
Now they're arresting businessmen? The new American crime, tryin' to earn a living?
-...the most coveted position on Wall Street- - [Paul] Baskin!
Susan, he has to come from somewhere.
Let's face it, Paul. The guy comes from Data Processing.
Terrific. That'sjust terrific. This is just terrific!
You're bei ng paranoid, Paul.
[ Paul] These tests were conducted over a six-month period...
using a double-blind format ofeight overlapping demographic groups.
Every region ofthe country was sampled.
The focus testing showed a solid base...
in the nine-to- 1 1-year-old bracket...
with a possible carryover into the 1 2-year-olds.
When you consider that GoBots and Transformers pull 37% market share-
I ' m sorry.
and that we are targeting the same area...
I think that we should see one-quarter ofthat...
and that is one-fifth of the total revenue from all of last year.
[Applause ]
- Excellent, Paul. - Thankyou. Thankyou.
- [ Squeaks ] - Any questions?
- No. - Not from me.
- [ Chattering ] - [Paul] Yes?
- Yes? - I don't get it.
[Executives Coughing, Chuckling]
What, exactly, don't you get?
It turns from a building into a robot. Right?
Precisely.
- [Papers Shuffling] - Well, what's fun about that?
Well, ifyou had read yourindustrybreakdown...
you would see that our success in the action figure area...
has climbed from 27% to 45% in the last two years.
There. That might help.
- [Executives Murmuring] - Oh.
- Yes? - I-I still don't get it.
What?
- What don't you get,Josh? - There's a million robots that turn into something.
This is a building that turns into a robot. What's fun about playing with a building?
This is askyscraper.
Well, couldn't it be, like, a robot that turns into, like, a bug or something?
- A bug? - Yeah.
-A prehistoric insect with claws that couldpick up a car. - I nteresting.
- A prehistoric Transformer? - I nteresting.
- So the robot turns into a bug? - Uh, gentlemen-
You've got a verygood idea here!
The robot turns into a bug!
- [Man ] This is a great idea! - Wh-
- Different sizes- - Susan, we could do ladybugs!
- [Josh ] You could have him wreck buildings. - Transformers for girls!
A building is inert. A bug, it moves, it's got all kinds of possibilities.
This doesn't just happen. This guy-This doesn't happen.
- He doesn't just come to a meeting and say "bugs." - Uh-
Well done,Josh. Well done.
Oh-ho! He is vicious!
- He's not vicious. - Don't kid yourself. That man is a killer.
All he said was, he didn't get it.
[ Mocking ] "I don't get it. I don't get it. Let's make it a bug!"
He was going for the throat, trying to eviscerate me.
[ Grunting ] Did you see the look on MacMillan's face?
Mm-hmm.
[Woman ] It's quite a unique space.
The lines are so clean, andyou don't get any ofthat partition quality.
It has 50-foot ceilings, old hardwood floors...
ample closet space, a modern kitchen...
a brand-new bathroom with ajet-streamJacuzzi.
We'll take it!
Baskin! Rental delivery!
Come out. Come out.
- [Man ] Hey! What, areyou nuts? - So close.
- >>>> [Pop Rock ] - [Josh ] Dear Mom and Dad:
Theysaid...
that I could write you...
and letyou know I was okay.
Whoa! Check it out!
So far they're treating me fine.
- I got enough to eat- - Two!
and am perfsectly safe.
- Rebound! Two! - They say I'll get out ofhere...
[ Children Laughing, Squealing ]
in about a month.
>>>> [ Continues ]
In the meantime...
it's a lot like camp.
I watch TV-
- I got it! I got it! I got it! - Hooray!
and even get outside...
once in a while.
I know...
you miss me...
but try not to worry.
- [ Grunting ] - I think...
this experience...
- might even be good for me. - Knocked hi m out!
I love you very much...
and I know...
I'll see you soon.
Your son...
Joshua.
P.S.
Give Rachel a kiss from her big brother.
- Hey. - Oh, hey. Hey.
Sorry I 'm late. The com puters were down for, like, 45 minutes.
There was nothing I could do about it.
- What is this? - It's a letter to my mom.
- She's gonna feel-This is terrible! - No. You don't mail it-
- You're gonna get her all screamin' and cryin'- - No, I'm not.
It's just a letter to say I'm okay and stuff.
[BillyChuckling]
Come on. Why can't I go with you?
Bill- I told you, Billy. It's only for people in the company, so you can't.
- [ Scoffs ] I could be your assistant. - Billy!
Fine. Fine. Just go toyour fancy party...
while I stay at home by my mailbox and wait foryour stupid carnival list.
- It's just this once, okay? - Sure.
- Yes. That's a beautiful fit. - [DoorOpens, Closes ]
Here, Paul. Take this, go over to the mirror...
put the hat on and look at yourself.
[ Chuckles ] What colorwould you call this?
- Can I helpyou? - Yeah. I'd like to rent a tuxedo.
Uh, I see. Is-Is-Is there any particular occasion?
Yeah. His company is havin' a party.
Uh, well, then you probably want something simple.
Maybe a nice black, uh, with a p-p-p-
Whoa! Check it out.
- Oh, wow. Feel that. What doyou think? - I like it.
Look at these. [ Blows Raspberry]
Uh, usually this type oftuxedo is popularwith students-
- senior proms,juvenile dress-ups and maybe a fancy p- - Look at this one.
- Ooh. - What kind oftuxedo is this?
That's not a tuxedo! That's a morning coat.
- Well, what doyou call this? - Ugly.
Oh, hey. I've got it.
Excuse me. I'll be right back. Oy.
- >>>> [Piano:Jazz] - [Woman ] I reallywanna go home.
Maybe we got off on the wrong foot. Let's start again.
Hey, smell my neck.
Mm-mmm.
- I was hopin' for a raise, sir. - A raise. [ Chuckles ]
-J ust-J ust-J ust a little one. - All right, a little one.
Uh, have a good time. I'll see what I can do.
- Okay. Thankyou, sir. Thankyou, sir. - All right.
Come on, George. You can'tsell to the parents. Yousell to the kids.
I disagree.
Listen. You hit 'em at 7:00 in the morning while their folks are still asleep.
Then you get 'em good and jacked up for three hours...
so that by 1 0:00, they're rippin' the house apart.
It's timing, George. Timing.
You want that parent to wake up...
Iistening to littleJennifer screaming, "Puppy Pal, Puppy Pal."
[ Chuckles ]
- It's very beautiful and I'm having a lovelytime. - I'm delighted, Miss Patterson.
It's much betterthan lastyear. I justwanted to tell you that.
- [ Laughs ] - How areyou gents doing here?
- Double up on the scotch, will you? - Right away, sir.
Hereyou are, sir.
- Susan. - Loveyour tux.
- I think it's the same as the maitre d's. - [ Laughing ]
Yeah. Haveyou decided whatyou're doing on the Danbury line?
Well, uh, I thinkifyou got everyone's input up front...
I mean, right from the beginning, you can-
- Susan, have a drink. - What?
Have a couple of drinks. It's a party.
- [ Sighs ] - [ElevatorBell Dings ]
[ Laughing ] Look at this!
[Laughing Continues ]
[ Laughing ] Oh, God!
Josh! I'm glad you could make it.
Bet he gets another raise.
Now, that's what I call a tuxedo.
I rented it. This is a real bow tie though. I tied it myself.
- That's why I was late. - No, you're not late at all.
- Let me showyou around. - There's Miss Patterson. Hi. There's a guy from the meeting!
- Wouldyou like a drink- uh, champagne, glass ofwine? - No, just some milk.
Why not? You on the wagon?
No, I'm at a party. [ Chuckles ]
>>>> [ Up-tempo Jazz ]
It works on your hips.
You need a whole other exercise foryour thighs. It's true.
Hi.
Let me grab a plate here.
Excuse me. This looks good.
...from the I.R.S. tells me that I can't amortize like that...
s-so I show him the schedule...
and then he says, "It's not accepted accounting procedure."
I say, "You little pissant."
[ Man ] Try a little bit of, uh-
- That looks good. - Yeah.
Want to get a load ofthat guy. He's, uh, overdressed.
- Look, my feet really hurt. - Yeah? You want me to rub 'em?
You know, most people, they don't know how to rub feet.
Think it's in the thumbs. It's the knuckles.
- Now put some eucalyptus oil on- -Just-Just dance.
- It's great. - Oh, it's great.
- I'm having a really good time. - I'm really excited about this.
- Ignore him.Just ignore him. - I don't know him.
- The guy's a goddamn knock-offartist. - What doyou mean?
Amphibian? He takes 1 0,000 G.I.Joes...
slaps some gills on 'em, webs their feet, packages 'em in seaweed.
- There's not supposed to be pieces in mousse. - Carrot.
- But the toy sold, Paul. - Excuse me.
- Hi. - Hi.
All the same people having all the same discussion.
It's like they cloned some party in 1 983...
and kept spinning it out again and again and again.
I loved your ideas on the Squeezy Doll line.
Thanks.
Theywere so... incisive.
[ Mouths Word ] "Incisive."
It's beluga.
MacMillan orders it everyyear.
[ Man ] Sidle up to him and then ask for a raise.
[ Coughing ]
[ Man ] Gesundheit.
You all right?
- [Coughing Continues ] - You okay?
You want a glass ofwater?
- Want something to drink? - Could I have a milk shake or something?
I got a car outside. You wanna get outta here?
- Uh-huh. - Let's go.
[ Coughs Loudly]
[ Man ] Watch it!
- [ Coughing Continues ] - [Man ] Didyousee that?
I'm not really a big one for parties.
I like things that are a little more... intimate.
Wow! Is this your car?
Well, it's the company's car.
- This is the coolest thing I've ever seen! - Yes, sir.
Sir.
[DoorLocks Clicking]
Just seeing someone in the office...
you don't really get a chance to know them.
Just being with you here, I really get a sense of-
- [ Slurping ] - ofwhoyou are.
- You gonna eat these fries? - No, no.
- Hey, mister,you wantsome ofthese fries? - No. No, thankyou.
See, it's hard, in a business situation-
I mean, there's this invisible line, and- and even if-
even ifyou're attracted to someone-
- [ Beeping ] - You're gonna call someone before-
- [ Out-Of-Service Tones ] - No.
Uh, I mean, at this point in my life-
- [Radio: Static, Changing Frequencies ] - Don't-
Don't play with the ra- Leave the, uh- Don't-
I 'm really vulnerable right now, you know, and I-
- >>>> [ Radio: Pop ] - I mean, I love my job.
- And- - >>>> [ Continues ]
- And I- - Ejector seat!
[ Horn Honking ]
>>>> [ Continues ]
This is great!
Hey, come on up.
[Loud Thump ]
- [ Chuckles ] That was my apartment. - Really?
- Yeah. - Love to see where you live.
- >>>> [ Ends ] - [Tires Squealing]
Have you always lived alone?
- No, not always. - Oh.
Is it just recently, or-
- Yeah. - Give yourself a couple of days. It'll pass.
Oh. They said it was gonna take six weeks.
Well, it can be painful, but...
that's what theyinvented Xanax for, right?
- [Susan Laughs ] - Watch your step.
Thankyou.
I'm not sure we should do this yet.
- Do what? - Well-
I mean, I like you, and I- I wanna spend the night with you.
Doyou mean sleep over?
Well, is-Yeah. [ Chuckles ]
Okay. But I get to be on top.
>>>>[Disco]
- You live here? - Yeah.
It's nice, isn't it?
- Yeah. - >>>>[Continues ]
- You, uh-You want a soda? - Huh?
- Soda? You want one? - Yeah, sure.
I rigged this up soyou don't needanyquarters.
- Aah! No. No. Don't. - What?
The glue is not dryyet.
- Sorry. It's okay. - Sorry.
You didn't break it.
- >>>> [ Continues ] - You wanna play pinball?
- No. - You don't need quarters for this either. It's free.
- No, thankyou. - Okay.
- Is that a trampoline? - Yeah. You wanna try it?
- No. - You should. It's really fun.
It's simple too. Come on. You'lllike it. Andit's reallyeasytoo.
- Do you have some wine, maybe- - Take offyour shoes.
Oh, maybe for a few minutes.
It's easy. All right.
>>>> [ Continues ]
It's really simple Let me just get my big balls offhere.
- No, really, I-I- I'll watch. - It's fun. I'll do it with you.
Up. [ Grunts ] Excellent. All right.
- Help me up? - Sure!
- Okay. - >>>>[Continues ]
- Okay.Jump. - You want me to jump.
Yeah.Just jump.
- There. Now can I have a drink? - No, no, no.
Look, reallyjump. Stand there and get air. Go ahead.
Get some air between you and the tramp... oline.
- >>>>[Continues ] - There.
Oh, come on. I'll do it with you, to showyou how it goes.
Ready? Come on.Jump. See? That's all it is.
That's all there is to it. Good.
Thereyou go. Thereyou go. Yeah.
[ Laughing ] It's easy. Anybody could do this.
Whoo!
[ Susan Laughing, Squealing ]
- Whoa! How'd you do that? - [ Squealing Continues ]
>>>>[Continues ]
Good!
- >>>> [Fades ] - Okay. I'm attacking China from Mongolia.
- Why doyou smoke? - Oh.
- That's, uh- - That was two.
- Mmm, yeah. - Okay.
[WaterRunning, Faucet Shuts Off]
[ Grunts ]
Oh. Hi.
- Here. - What?
Pick one.
[ Giggles ] Okay, try it again.
That one.
It's foryou. It's a glow-in-the-dark compass ring.
Soyou won't get lost.
[ Exhales ]
Goodnight.
[ Sighs ]
[Radio:Announcer] Jones IndustrialAverage-
[Paul] Have fun last night?
Sure. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, you left pretty quick.
Gave him a ride home, Paul.
- Oh. Did he enjoy it? - Don't be ridiculous.
Ah, that's me- Mr. Ridiculous.
Just a silly old guy.
[Radio:Announcer] Short-term credit conditions. Yields fell slightly-
I don't feel like going out tonight.
- What do you mean? They're your friends. - I know.
- [Radio: Changing Frequencies ] - Leave it! Leave it!
- >>>> [Pop ] - Wouldyou quit it!
- [Radio: Switches Back ] - Do you have to play with everything?
[ Giggling ]
- [ Shrieks ] - [ Train Whistle Tooting ]
- Baskin. - [ Shrieking Continues ]
Baskin?
[ Shouting ]
Wouldn'tyou rather play basketball? I know how to play that.
- We could be a team for the MacMillan Company. - No!
I'm not very good at sports, but I'll give it a try. My best sport's video hockey.
- That isn't a sport. - Well, it takes eye-to-hand coordination.
- It's not a sport ifyou don't sweat. - What about golf?
And you're not sitting there letting some machine do all the work.
- What about car racing? - Shut up, Baskin!
- What are the rules again? - I told you.
Over the line on the serve. Yellow is out-of-bounds. Play to 21. Ready?
- Sorry. Sorry. - One-nothin'.
- Hold it. - Get it! Get it! Get it! Attaboy.
- Okay. You ready? All right. - Yeah.
[ Grunts ]
- Ho ho! Nice try! - That was in.
Two-zip.Just made it two-zip. Ready? Okay, here we go.
[ Grunting ]
Oh! It's in. Good. Point.
Whoa! What's the matter-
Wait a minute. Time out. Time!
[ Grunting ]
- Backhand! - Whoa!
[ Grunting ] Yes!
- 1 9-1 8. - Uh, that was under the line.
- What? - You said it had to be over the line on a serve.
- No, I didn't. - Yeah, you said it had to be over the line on a serve.
No, I did not! Now, give me the goddamn ball!
Well, that's cheating.
- Give me the goddamn ball, will ya? - No!
- Give me the ball, you little shit. - It's my serve.
- Give me the goddamn ball! I never said that! - Yes, you did.
Give me the- Give me the ball.
Give me the ball!
- Give me the- Give me the- - [Man] This is new.
- [Bystanders Laughing] - Come here. Give me the ball.
- You're a cheater! - Give me the-
- I do not cheat! - He cheats!
Give me the ball!
Give- Give me the- Give me the-
- Give me the ball! - All right, let's take it over. We'll take it over! Ow!
He didn't have to punch me.
I know.
- [ Sniffs ] - He's scared ofyou. Ohh.
- You don't play his game. - I tried to play his game. He beat me up.
Ifhe's scared of me, then why did he punch me?
He punched you because he's scared ofyou.
- I don't get it. - It's just the way he is.
Everything's a fight with him.
Everyone's an enemy.
It's not just a job for him. It's a war.
How comeyou're so nice?
- What? - You work as hard as he does, and you're not like that.
You don't know me that well.
Yes, I do.
You're one of the nicestpeople I've met.
How do you do it?
[ Softly] On the fast break. What a job. Let's get this done.
- It's in the corner- - Oh. Go Knicks.
Oh! Heartbreak! He lost it.
[ Man ] Must need a new center. Good night.
- [ Knocking ] - Come in.
- Hey,Josh. - Hi.
What time is it?
- It's 1 0:00 or somethin'. - Mmm.
What areyou doin'here so late?
I finished up on the Astro Blaster.
So? What do you think?
It's okay.
I know whatyou mean.
Astro Blaster, Laser Might- They're all the goddamn same.
Wasn't always that way.
I remember there was this duck once.
You mean, like, a-a rubber duck for the bath?
No, no, no.Just a...
Iittle, wooden, quacky duck.
And a string on the bottom and you pulled him forward, he'd waddle from side to side.
And I realized...
ifyou put the head on a hinge, just a little wooden dowel...
then the beakwould peck at the ground when it pulls forward.
- See? Oh. [ Laughing ] - [ Laughing ]
-Just- I had an idea. - [Laughing]
Look at this. Come over here.
You know what this is?
It's a report on how to expand the heavy adventure market past the 1 2-year-old cutoff point.
- You can't do that. It doesn't work. - Why not?
Y-You can't keep a kid from growing up.
All a 13-year-old boywants is a 13-year-old girl.
And I sure don't know how to build one ofthose.
- [ Speaking French ] - [ Tape: Woman Speaking French ]
- What's this? - What does it look like?
Shampoo, razor, toothpaste, two neckties and your exercise tape.
- Susan- - And I want my keys back.
- [KeysJingling] - Sure.
[ Sighs ] It was just some scratches, honey. He'll get over it.
- It has nothing to do with him. - Oh, what is this, then?
Your one big moment of redemption?
Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good to me.
Come on, Susan. He'sjust anotherlink in the chain.
First it was Tom Caulfield. Then Handlen.
Then Golding. Then me. Am I missing somebody?
It's not like that anymore.
What is so special about Baskin?
He's a grown-up.
Susan-
I can't believe you brought up Golding.
Can't believeyou slept with him.
>>>>[Piano]
>>>> [ Singing In Italian ]
- [ Gasping, Laughing ] - Oh!
Catch. Catch the dough. Catch!
A little piece of dough over there!
Here it come! Throw me the dough. Right here.
Hey! Hey!
- Oh, my God! - Got him!
- [ Barking ] - [ Laughs ]
[Josh ] He's reallygood!
>>>> [ Singing ]
[Billy] Surprise!
- [ Laughing, Chattering ] - >>>> [ Ends ]
Happybirthdaytoyou.
- You! - Hey.
What are you gonna wish for this time?
I know what we can do. We can get some beers and some dirty magazines-
- I can't, Billy. - What? Of courseyou can. It's your birthday.
- I have to go somewhere. - Where? Where?
Um...
well, I have to go meet somebody and-
- Slag out all night. - Yeah, I know, but, see, I-I just-
Well, I can't right now. But I'll call you. All right?
Okay? I'll giveyou a call.
Thanks again, Billy! It was fun!
- Hi. - Hi.
- Doyou want to come in? - Sure.
[ Both Chuckle ]
Sit down.
- Wanna go? - Yeah! Yeah.
Okay.
>>>> [ Calliope ]
[ Riders Screaming ]
Wanna go again?
How come you have all these points?
'Cause I'm just tappin' 'em. You don't have to kill 'em.
[ Laughing ]
Rick Rhoden, on the mound.
[ Muttering ]
He takes the curve.
Here's the windup and the pitch.
- [ Screams ] - [Man ] Pick aprize.
So theyhave these cars thatyou can actually drive...
except they're on this rail, so you can't get off the road-
- [ Laughing ] - You have a really big gob of mustard right-
- What? - Mustard.
- Where? - Right there.
- Is it gone? - Well-
Here.
- That gone? - Yeah.
>>>> [Big Band]
Listen.
Oh, the music?
>>>> [ Continues ]
Wanna dance?
Dance?
- We don't have to ifyou don't want to. - Okay. Okay.
- All right. - Okay.
- Are you cold? - Mm-mmm.
- We could get some hot chocolate, you know. - Mm-mmm.
You can wear myjacket ifyou want.
- Come on. It'll be fun. - I'm scared.
- What are you worried about? You're with me, right? - All right. You're on.
>>>> [ Continues ]
Oh, I haven't done this in a long time. [ Laughs ]
Whatwereyou like when you wereyounger?
- Oh, well, I wasn't much different. - [ Laughs ]
I believe that aboutyou.
I've been thinking aboutyou a lot.
It's crazy.
In my car...
Iying in bed.
I've just never gone out with someone likeyou.
With all the other men, there was so much to hide.
I feel like I can tell you anything.
Susan? Susan?
There's something I think I should tell you.
What?
>>>>[Continues ]
You want the light on?
[Bell Dings ]
- Good morning. Hey, Brent! How areyou? - Good morning!
- Hi, everybody! - [Woman ] Hi,Josh!
Josh. My man!
- [Woman ] Good morning. - Good morning.
- Good morning, sir. - I'd like some coffee, please, Miss Patterson.
But you don't drink coffee.
And, uh, make it black.
It was a dream, honey.
Atlantic Citywas beautiful and Donald was so romantic-
I know I'm late with this, but congratulations, Mrs. Hicks.
Barbara, you are not going to believe this. Hold on.
[ All Laughing ]
You know, you two should come to Vermont. It is so pretty up there now.
- We spent ouranniversarythere. - Allyou did was watch TV.
- I poppedpopcorn too. - [Man ] He likes that intellectual stuff.
[ Man #2 ]Anybody happen to see that great documentary about Columbus...
on PBS the other night?
- Mm-m m m. - [ Woman ] Uh, no. Was it good?
- I had no idea he had a fourth ship. - Yeah. The Santa Cristina.
- That's right. - He only had that on his second trip though.
- You saw it too. - No.
- But I -I used to... study, you know, the stuff, so- - Really?
- Dad, I need some help with my alge- - Uh, not now, Adam.
- Yeah, Dad,you said- - Adam, we have guests.
He's had the roughest time with algebra. We've tried tutors, everything.
- [Alex ] Mom! - With algebra? I used to study that too.
[ Woman ] Isn't that nice?
[Josh ] Okay, look. Forget all the X's and Y's stuff...
'cause that was invented by some teacher that hates kids.
- Al I ri ght. - Let's i magi ne that Larry Bi rd...
- is gonna score 1 0 points in a quarter, okay? - Yeah, okay.
-So how many points is he gonna score in the entire game? -That's easy- 40points.
- Exactly. That's algebra. - Righ- It is?
Yeah. See? Okay, one quarter is to 1 0 points that he scores in a quarter...
just as four-
You're right. He's wonderful.
- I know. - [Adam ] Ohh!
- For earned run averages, field goal percentages, whatever. - That's pretty cool.
- [Man ] I don't wanna hearit anymore. - [ Beeping ]
- You constantlybring- What's home? - [ Woman ] This is my house.
- What's home? Fine. It's your house, you pay for it. - [ Li ne Ri ngi ng ]
[ Ri ngs ]
- [ Woman ] Billy, are you on the phone? - [ Man ] I'm doin' it.
- [ Woman ] Hey, Billy, get offthe phone. - [ Man ] Listen to your mother.
- Mm m. - He's never done this before.
- Kind of like a sweepstakes. - Get the art department on the phone. Get them!
- Send out for some sandwiches. - Cajun or deli?
Maybe next year, right? Next year.
- You can do it. I know you can. - I cannot plan a whole line.
Why? Nobody knows more about toys in this entire company than you.
Susan, that means marketing and strategy and stuff.
- All he wants is a proposal. - I can't-
- You come up with the ideas, and I'll handle the marketing. - Excuse me.
- But it- - Come on. It'll be neat.
Oh, I- I don't know.
- I don't have any ideas for new toys or anything. - You've got great ideas.
Cute. Can you walk the dog?
- Forget how to knock? - Oh, I'm sorry.
[ Chattering ]
[ Girl] Hey! Hey,you guys! Wait up forme!
"Department of Consumer Affairs"?
Yeah, buddy! It came!
- He gives too much homework. What'dyou get on the test? - I got a "C."
[Boys Chattering Continues ]
- Do you have, like, Sports Illustrated? - Sure.
- Here. - Two and a quarter, kid.
- Hey. I got it. - Oh, all right. Comic books.
- Change. - Say, what's that one?
- Trade. Yeah. - This one's got Billy in the coal mine.
Think I've read this one.
I'll tradeyou forX-Factor.
It won't be like these, where you just follow the story along.
You would actually make a whole different story appearjust by pressing these buttons.
An electronic comic book? That's amazing.
Yeah, a living comic book. It's gonna be different every time.
This is incredible. You're brilliant.
Ifyou liked one, you could see it over and over and over again.
You're-You're wonderful.
Doyou really like it?
- Really? - Really.
[ Both Laughing ]
- You think Mac'll like it? - I think he'll love it.
We could do sports comic books, where, like, ifhe's going to steal second or something.
We couldhavesports books- baseball, football.
It would work for almost any sport there is- hockey!
- Wh-What is it we're doing? - Huh?
W-What's going on here?
Well, you know, we're-
Something wrong?
- You don't like it? - No! No!
It's-
I mean, if it's an affair, that's one thing.
But ifit's-
i-if it's s-something else-
[Exhales ]
Not that we have to know right now. We don't.
But ifwe think that it could turn into something else, well-
How doyou feel about all this?
How do I feel about what?
How doyou- How doyou f-feel about me?
[ Chuckles ] What is that supposed to mean?
[ Susan Laughs ]
[ Woman ] Oh, no. I'm sorry. Mr. Baskin is still in conference.
Yeah? Well, tell him I called again.
Kopecki. K-O-P-
E-K-E. Yes, I can spell, young man.
Yeah, right. Well, tell him it's important.
Good-bye.
Each page would be made out of six panels.
There will be 30 pages per electronic comic book, with a choice every two pages-
No, choice every three pages.
- But ours will also be in color. Did I say that? - Yes, Mr. Baskin.
Ours- Did I say- I didn't say that right. Yes. Well, whatever. Anyway-
[ Beeping ]
- Doyou have the list of story line options? - Maybe.
- [ Beeping ] - Can I see them?
- [ Beeping ] - Maybe.
- What was that? That sound. - What? What?
- [ Chuckles ] That. What areyou doing? - [ Beeping ]
- What is it? - Let me seeyour hand.
- Did you make this? - No, Petey made it. Here.
- What does it do? - Putyour hand right there. Just putyour hand right there.
- Putyour hand. Okay. Watch. - [ Beeping ]
- Putyour hand on it. - What does it do?
- [ Electronic Tones ] - That's incredible.
- That's great. - [Beeping Tones ]
- [ Chuckles ] - [Beeps ]
- I don't get how it works. - Well, you need another person for it to work.
Although maybe it will workwith a dog. I don't know.
- [BeepingStops ] - All right. Let's get back to work.
- [ Yawning ] - Do you want some coffee? Sure?
Uh-huh. [ Sniffles ]
>>>> [ Humming ]
- Susan. - Oh, hi.
- You working late again? - Yeah. Well, we were just-
- I get- got some coffee. - You know, you're looking good these days.
- No. - Oh, yeah. You are.
- Oh. - I'm happy foryou.
- Oh. - Happy for both ofyou. I really am.
- Night. - Night, darlin'.
[ Ringing ]
- [ Line Ringing ] - [Man, WomanArguing]
[Man ] It'syourhouse? The deed's in myname.
I don't care whoyou raised. Didyou raise gerbils and dogs?
My tone is plenty civil.
Who's putting the food on your plate?
- It's my house. - [ Woman ] It's my house. I keep the house.
[ Man ] You keep sayin' that, but the deed's in my name.
[ Man ] Wel l, J enny was sayi ng that there was a problem-
[ Woman ] Hi.
[ Chattering Continues ]
- Well, Wednesdaywould be better than Thursday. - [DoorOpens ]
- Mr. Baskin can't be- - [Josh ] I have a keyexample right here.
Whereyou been? I've been trying to reach you forever.
- I 'm in the middle of something, okay? - That's the list.
- All you gotta do is call. - Can you give me a minute?
- Yes. - What are you talking about? This is it. This is the list.
- Would you come back at lunch? I'm busy right now- Hello? - Busy?
- Billy! - Areyou outta your mind?
Jesus, Billy. Miss Patterson, get them on the phone-
This is what we've been waiting for.
I got work to do. Can'tyou understand that? I got a deadline to meet. God!
- Who the fuck doyou thinkyou are? - Hey!
Hey, you'reJosh Baskin! Remember? You brokeyour arm on my roof!.
You hid in my basement when Robert Tyson was about to ripyour head off!.
You don't get it, doyou? This is important!
I'm your best friend. What's more important than that, huh?
And I'm three months older than you are, asshole.
[ Muttering ] Stupid stuff.
Some friend. I don't need him.
Stupid jacket.
[Radio: Static]
- Josh? - [ Radio: Chatter]
Josh!
Oh. Hi, Mrs. Baskin.
Hiya.
I was just looking around in here.
Hmm.
- Your hair's getting longer. - I got it cutyesterday.
Oh.
He had a birthday.
Yeah, I- I know.
I got him this anyway.
- Pete Rose. - Yeah.
They have these special shops where they do that.
You know, ifyou want, you can keep it until- until he-
He'll be coming back real soon.
Everything's gonna be okay.
[ Beeps ]
- "You are standing in the cavern ofthe evil wizard. - [ Beeping ]
All aroundyou are the carcasses ofslain ice dwarfss. "
- Melt wizard. - [ Typing, Beeping]
- [ Beeps ] - "What do you want to melt him with?"
[ Rhythm ic Beeping ]
[ Beeping Accelerates ]
[ Typing]
Throw thermal pod.
[ Bell Rings ]
- Race you to the corner! - No!
- Why not? - [ Bell Rings ]
- You always win. - I 'll let you win.
[ Chattering ]
Spreading leaves!
[ Woman ] Greg! Time for dinner!
[ Greg] Wait!Just five more minutes!
Mrs. Kaplan, in just a little bit to your right.
Your right. Your right.
Mrs. Kaplan knows her right and her left. Isn't that great?
Let's have some smiles. This is a joyous occasion.
No, no, no,just-
[ Chattering ]
- Where are we going? - Where doyou guys wanna go?
[Boy] Thanks, mister!
Got it. I got it. Got it.
- Hit a couple more! - All right.
Where you been? It's kind oflate.
Oh, I was-was out.
- Out where? - [ Exhales ]
Just... took a walk.
Josh, what's wrong?
What is it?
I haven't told you something because I didn't think thatyou were gonna believe me.
And even ifyou did believe me, I didn't think thatyou were gonna like me anymore, so-
Oh, honey, come here. You can tell me anything.
What?
Susan, I'm not whatyou think I am.
Uh, what doyou mean?
Before I metyou, I was in Little League.
Um, I was in Little League, and I rode mybike to school...
and I played with my friends and hung out with them and-
What are you- What are you talking about?
I want to go home.
I miss my family, Susan, and I want to go home.
- Oh, my God. You're married. - No.
- This was too good to be true. There had to be something. - Susan, I'm not married.
- You're not? - No.
- I'm a child. - What?
I'm a child, Susan...
and I'm- I'm not ready forall ofthis.
Oh, that's fine. That is-That's just great.
- You see, what happened- - No, I understand. "I'm not ready to make a commitment.
- I'm not readyto accept the responsibility. " - No, you don't understand.
- I'm 1 3 years old. - Oh, and who isn't?
You think that there isn't a frightened kid inside of me too?
No, I mean I really am 1 3.
I went to bed one night and I was a kid, woke up the next morning, I was a grown-up.
Oh, right. And yesterday I was a schoolgirl with pigtails. Why areyou doing this,Josh?
- There was this carnival in NewJersey. - Please.
- I made a wish on a machine called theZoltar machine. - Oh, stop it.
Itwas a Zoltar machine. It had this bobbing head, and it looked like a devil.
Ifyou got a quarter in the devil's mouth, you could make a wish, and I did.
So I made a wish to be big. That's what I'm trying to tell you.
I changed into a grown-up, when I'm reallyjust a kid.
Fine,Josh, you're a kid.
Look, I really don't know what it is thatyou're trying to tell me...
butwe have a very big presentation to give tomorrow...
so I'm gonna get some sleep.
[DoorSlams ]
- [ Line Ringing ] - [ Woman ] Hello?
Yeah, doyou have a Zoltar machine?
- Nope. Never heard ofit. - Yeah. Yeah, thanks.
Wait. I need a paper.
Would you get me some gum?
Thankyou.
- These are the notes, in caseyou want 'em. - Thankyou.
Well, should get the cards set up before everyone comes in.
Okay.
[ Beeping ]
- [ Line Ringing ] - [ Man ] Hello?
- Yeah, doyou have a Zoltar machine? - Got one right here.
- You do? - Yeah.
Yeah! Yeah, thanks. That's great!
Yeah!
[Woman ] MacMillan Toys. I'll transfer.
[ Bell Dings ]
[Door Opens ]
Right there. Sea Point Park, New York.
Well?
- [ Intercom Buzzes ] - Yes?
[ Miss Patterson ] They're waiting foryou, Mr. Baskin.
- Thanks. - Seeyou around.
[DoorOpens ]
There's this flat screen on the inside with, uh, with pictures on it...
and you read it, and you have to make a choice ofwhat the character's gonna do.
- Ifhe's gonna fight the dragon, you push one ofthe buttons- - Uh-
- Paul? - I don't get it.
- Well- - [Man ] Paul, stop it.
[Josh ] It's a comic book that-
See, there's a computer chip inside which stores the choices.
So, when you reach the end of the page, you decide where the story goes.
- That's the point. - Terrific, Susan.
[Susan ] The kid makes his own decision.
-[MacMillan ] This is reallypossible? - Yeah.
I n fact, it's a very simple program. Isn't that right?
[Man ] So what happens whenyou run out ofchoices?
[Susan ] That's the great thing. You canjust sell different adventures.
Just pop in a brand-new disk, andyou get a whole new set ofoptions.
- We could market this on a comic book rack. - [ Susan ] Mm-hmm.
- I ' I l be ri ght back. - [ MacMillan ] How much would the unit cost?
Our initial figure is around seven-
[ Door Closes ]
Around seven dollars...
with a retai I cost of about $ 1 8.95.
You expect a kid to pay $ 1 9 for a comic book?
I thi nk a kid-
Will you excuse me?
- What's going on? - [MacMillan ] Let 'em be.
[DoorSlams ]
Josh?
[ Grunts ] Oh.
[ Whistles ]
- More. - [Josh ] Will you take me to Sea Point Park, New York?
- [ Cab Driver] Get in. - Sea Point Park? Josh!
- Hey! Not so fast! - Sorry. Here.
Josh! Josh!
Seeyou back home!
Yeah!
- Excuse me. Do you know him? You know Josh? - Yeah. Yeah.
- Look, you have to tell me where he went. - Who are you?
I'm- I'm his girlfriend.
Ew. [ Chuckles ]
- Billy Kopecki. - You have to tell me where he went. Where did he go?
Please tell me.
Tell me!
[ Gulls Squawking ]
It's tough to find a cab out here. Thanks.
- Work, damn it! - [ Bell Dings ]
[ Bell Dings ]
I wish I was a kid again.
[ MachineWhirring, Clanking ]
-Josh? - Susan.
You know, you don't walk out on somebody.
You don'tjust get up and leave and- and- and walk out like that.
- You don't do that. - I know. I know. I'm really sorry.
I'm really sorry, but I didn't know what to do.
I didn't know what to say.
[ Machine Clanking ]
Oh, God.
You gotyourwish.
- I tried to tell you. - I didn't listen.
- I guess I didn't hearyou, or- orwant to, or- - I tried to tell you last night.
- How would I have- Even ifl did listen, how would I know? - I've been thinking about this.
- Whywould I know that? - I've been trying-
I've been thinking about it, and there's a million reasons for me to go home...
but there's only one reason for me to stay.
What-What reason is that?
Well, you.
Oh, come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
So, uh, what- what are you, 1 5, 1 6?
I'm- I'm 1 3.
[ Groans ]
Mm-hmm.
Well, that explains it.
Maybeyou could come with me.
No. [ Chuckles, Sniffs ]
- No, I- - Why not?
I've- I've been there before.
[ Chuckles ]
[Sniffles ] It's hardenough the first time.
You know what I mean?
You don't know what I mean.
Come on. I'll drive you home.
- I'm sorry. - No, I'll be okay.
You'll be fine.
Ten years, who knows?
Maybe you should hold on to my number.
So this is whereyou live.
- Which one is it? - The one right there.
[Susan ] Oh. It's nice.
[ Sighs ] I'm gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss you too.
- You won't even remember me. - Oh, yes, I will.
[ Sighs ]
[Footsteps ]
[ Whispers ] Bye.
[Footsteps ]
Ma?
- Ma, it's me. - [Mrs. Baskin ]Josh?
[Mrs. Baskin ] Josh?Josh!
Oh, my God! Oh, thank Godyou're home!
[Josh ] Oh, Ma, I missedyou all so much.
- I 'm just not good enough. - What are you talking about?
You've been hitting the ball over the fence almost every time in stickball.
You just gotta get used to a fatter bat.
[ Both Chuckling ]
- You really think I could do it? - Yeah.
Come on. We'll hit some after supper.
Okay, I'll call foryou.